HELLO THERE, WORLD!

I used to have a blogspot (now, blogger?) blog... then I moved to tumblr coz it was easier and it got me all the fans ;) but now I'm moving over here again for a bit just to try it out.
Let's see how it goes! I will most probably upload blog postings from YEARS ago just coz :)
Cool, I am pumped to get started!
Yours,
Caitvanhoff

Fridays

  Today is Friday, for those of you who aren’t in NZ or are just really bad at knowing what day it is. Fridays trouble me. Part of me loves them, and another part of me almost dreads the hustle and bustle of the weekend that starts as soon as I get home from uni.

  I only have one lecture on Fridays. It is boring as hell. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother going to the lectures, but then I worry that I could be missing out on something vital to the paper etc etc. And there never has been anything vital. Ever. Even after attending the two hours, I feel that I have gotten nothing out of it whatsoever. But I still go. Every Friday. Just waiting for it to start right now, actually!

  And then there is the whole business of Friday nights. There is almost ALWAYS something on on a Friday night, whether it’s a church event, a birthday party or just a general hangout. I, being the socialite that I am (lol), should look forward to these things! But knowing that I have work at 8.30am tomorrow morning and assignments that need doing and having spent a whole week at uni, I just really need a break!!

  I wish I could just stay home and sleep all day today. But I can’t. So I better go to my lecture.

Making time

  Its crazy to think that I actually have so much more time than I think I do. I just assume I dont have time to do stuff coz I have assignments and tests as we come up to the mid-semester break. But really, if I joined together all the time I spend lazily browsing through Facebook/Tumblr/TradeMe, napping or even just day-dreaming, I could get quite a lot done! I keep putting stuff off, like social gatherings or participating in constructive hobbies etc, to do assignments but then i just go on Facebook and see what all my 586 friends have been doing since last time I checked (i.e., nothing of ANY particular importance as I would probably have checked it like five minutes before), and think about awesome things that I could do but I never end up doing, and reply to the text from that guy that I really shouldn’t be texting coz I know I don’t have a chance with him, but he texted me first so really I should reply or else it would be rude, you know?

  I have put off writing stuff coz of this………. And I feel a little bit stupid really! I just think to myself that I am so overwhelmed with all these assignments and tasks, but I end up spending more time worrying over them than actually doing them! Like this whole evening I have been thinking about how I need to work on an English essay about how our lecture theatre is actually a text……. why am I not working on it?!? Would save so much time!!

  Sometimes I amaze myself at how stupid I am.

Involuntary Readings

Don’t get me wrong, I love to read. If it is by choice that I am reading. And if it is my choice as to what I am reading. I also love writing. Hence me taking two Writing Studies papers this semester. I took them to avoid the pages and pages of notes and novels that I would be reading had I taken an English Literature paper. Alas and alack, I am still surrounded by text books, novels, course readers that have to be read before the lectures and tutorials every week. Who would have thought that there would be so much writing theory that has to be read to properly understand? Nevertheless, I am sure some famous, philosophical person out there has said some deep, motivational quote that goes somewhere along these lines (and if no one has, I bags it as mine!!): you cannot properly write without reading. Reading to greaten your knowledge of the world. Reading to improve your vocabulary. Reading to learn writing styles and techniques used to apply to your writings.

I am writing this right now to inspire myself to read my course readings. And, you know, you, too… Didn’t really work though. Just made me want to write more. Sigh.

Ooh, here is a quote that pretty much sums it all up:

Just do it.

  Lately, I’ve been trying to prevent myself from not doing things just because I didn’t want to make things awkward or uncomfortable. I ALWAYS DO THAT! I just don’t do stuff so I can stay in my safe, secure bubble where no one can hurt or embarrass me. And now I am making an effort to change this. And do stuff. Stuff that could have good results or maybe bad. But it’s ok. I can move on and learn from it. You don’t learn from stuff you don’t do. GO OUT ON A LIMB! Who knows, maybe I will fall. Or maybe I will learn to fly…. Say stuff! Do stuff! Stuff that crosses my mind as something that could be cool. But I don’t do it because there is too much at risk. Who cares. Just embarrass yourself. No one will remember it next week. And if they do, oh well, it will work out in the end. And if it doesn’t. Oh well. Deal with it.

Relationships are weird.

Relationships. They are weird…. They are cool, but they are over-publicised by movies, tv shows, music, media. And, truth be told, I really think that while you are still young they can be quite over-rated!!

Man, when I was a kid I NEVER would have thought that I would still never have had a serious boyfriend by the age of 19! Movies, books, tv shows always made me think that by the time I was 14 I would be super cool and fashionable and have boyfriends alllllllll the time! WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT!!!! I remember I was quite heartbroken when I turned 15 and had none of that to account for.

But, at the same time, a lot of other people were going through the same thing as me. It wasn’t just me that had high expectations of teenhood! Sitting, waiting, wishing for my epic summer adventures involving boys, boys and more boys! A lot of my friends and peers at school all seemed to have a similar dream, even though it was totally out of our grasp at that age. And I’m glad! I can’t imagine what it would have been like, me being in a relationship with a guy so young!! I would have given part of myself to soooo many guys who wouldn’t even care about me now!! And no I’m not talking about sex (I know that ran through your mind when you read that, dont deny it o.O), I’m just talking about that piece of their heart that girls give to their boyfriends/crushes/flings (kisses, snuggles, whispers of sweet nothings) even though they deny it!

To be quite honest, I’ve only been kissed – properly kissed – once in my life….. and I was 18…….. Yes, I was sweet sixteen and never been kissed ;) But I’m not happy or relieved by my kiss! I would rather be sweet nineteen and never been kissed tbh :P I’m not saying that the kiss itself was disappointing but that I am disappointed in myself for wasting something as special to me as a kiss on a guy that I now barely ever see, let alone talk to!! My lips! My kiss! Wasted on a guy who has probably forgotten about it coz he’s had so many….

Even today, though my best friend now has a boyfriend (as of two days ago :D :D) and so do most of my friends, I don’t need one. Even when my friends say, “Guuurrrl, you need a man in your life,” its ok, coz I really don’t. When I find one, terrific! But until then I will enjoy spending my precious time reflecting by myself, chilling with my best friend watching chick flicks and eating ice cream, studying hard so I can do well at uni and joking around with all my friends – without making anyone jealous. I’m not saying that you can’t do this stuff once you’ve found your other half, I’m just saying that you are only single for a small percentage of your life, and I’m gonna rock it out while I still can :D

It is quite crazy to think that there is a guy out there whom I will one day be married to…. And who knows if I have met him already or will meet him one day and know he is the one? Or if he is that guy that always gets on my nerves, or the one who right now I think is way too cool for me. Or maybe it will even be the guy that I can talk to and laugh with all the time but only see him as a friend right now. But the awesome part is… dah dah dah daaaaaaah…. I don’t need to worry about finding him right now :) if we are meant to be it will all work out in the end!

Amazing youth make me jealous

The other day I was reading We The Urban, an online magazine created by this amazing, driven 17 year old guy in North Carolina. It is so huge and successful, with thousands of followers and heaps of famous people featured inside it. How he managed to do all this, I have no idea. It just kills me how he made it for himself and I could never do that. He wanted something and he made sure he could do everything to have it! His age was no barrier to him, he just wanted it so he made it happen. How does he do it?!?

And he’s not the only young mastermind with great plans for their future that they will not let anything get in the way of! There are always stories about young eleven year olds going to university and nine year olds beating the crap out of full grown men in international IQ competitions and stuff. This frustrates me and makes me wonder, how come I’m not like that? Why is it not me that is this crazy impressive little girl with so much determination and intellect that I can start something that not even a normal adult can do, or be so much better than everyone else at something - no matter how old they are! I want to do that!!!!

In the twenty-first century, you have to be a-MAZ-ing to make an impact on this world. And I want to do that, but I just dont think I’m amazing enough…. Well, this guy certainly looks like he has a life full of success and prosperity before him, little cutie :)